Gimme S'more

Back in April and May, ALL the sixth grade girls were checking out Huge from the school library. I thought there must have been some kind of sexy scene they were passing around. (Cause the only book ALL the girls in my class checked out of the library back-to-back was Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.) But then the ABC Family series based on the book came out this summer, and I figured maybe they were just more in the loop about these things than I was and wanted to get a jump start on the story before the show started? Having just finished the book myself, I still don't know. There is one paragraph about kissing that involves lips and tongues and a boy who tastes like popcorn. However, I'm not sure if that's scandalous enough for middle schoolers these days. I kind of hope so.

I've watched all four episodes of the TV show so far (on Hulu), and I love it. Nikki Blonsky plays Wil, the girl who didn't want to go to fat camp and claims to be happy with her body just the way it is. At Camp Victory, she makes friends with shy, imaginative Becca and enemies with barely-overweight blond Amber (portrayed by the daughter of David Hasselhoff!). One of the great things about the show—in addition to the fact that it was co-developed by My So-Called Life creator Winnie Holzman—is that the characters are more than just cardboard cutouts. You don't totally hate Amber, and you don't totally love Wil. In fact, I think I may like Amber more than I like Wil. She's extremely pretty, and most of the guys at camp have crushes on her. But she's also the kind of girl people would call "big-boned," and because of it she has a lot of insecurities about herself. Sure, she's the Queen Bee at Camp Victory, but what about at home? I'm looking forward to seeing where they take her character in future episodes.

On to the book. The only things it has in common with the TV show are (a) a fat girl named Wil and (b) a fat camp that she was sent to against her wishes. Book Wil is rich and spoiled and almost completely unlikable. She shares a room with April, the perky poor girl who saved up thousands of dollars on her own to go to Wellness Canyon. April is determined to lose weight in spite of the cookies her mom sends her at camp, and Wil is determined to put on some pounds as an eff-you to her fitness-obsessed parents. When the girls realize they both like the same guy (jock-y Colin, perhaps the basis for the Trent character on the TV show), they make a bet to see who can get him to like them back first. If April wins, she gets to keep Wil's iPod for the rest of the summer. If Wil wins, April has to eat all the junk food in 7-11.

My recommendation? Stick with the TV show. The best thing about the book is the cover featuring some mighty delicious looking s'mores. Which are apparently a no-no at fat camp.

Summer of Suck & My Sketchy Valentine

After going through all 23 episodes of The City, I needed a new half-hour show to watch while eating my Cream of Wheat in the morning and/or winding down before bed. Enter My Life as Liz. It's a brand-new show, and lucky for me, full episodes are online at MTV.com.

So it's about this girl in Texas who, if she had been in high school while I was in high school, would have fancied herself "alternative." I'm not sure what they call it these days. ("Wannabe hipster" comes to mind?) She thinks everyone in her town is the same, but she's different somehow because she has red hair and bangs instead of blond hair and big boobs.

Seriously, I like the idea of a nonconformist doing her thing, but not if she's doing it just for the sake of not conforming. Take Clarissa Darling. Did she ever say "Everyone at my school sucks and I'm awesome because I dress funky and have a skater best friend who comes into my room through the window?" No, she didn't, because she didn't have to put anyone down to prove how cool she was and she didn't dress the way she did just to be cool.

In the first episode, Liz is bummed because she has to profile her blond cheerleader stereotype classmate, Taylor Terry, for a video production project instead of dressing up her three dorky male sidekicks as Jesus, Buddha, and Vishnu. She's thoroughly unimpressed by Taylor until they have a mini heart-to-heart and Taylor reveals that she only acts the way she does because that's what people expect of her. At this point in the show, I actually had hope that Liz might be able to see someone like Taylor as an individual rather than taking her at face value. Liz takes Taylor thrifting, and it seems as if they might even become friends. But not so fast! On the first day of school (which confuses me, because why was she working on a video project before school started?), Liz tries to wave to Taylor, and Taylor totally ignores her, thus reinforcing all of Liz's original beliefs about the general suckitude that surrounds her.

It's suddenly Valentine's Day for episode two, and Liz is disgusted by the student council carnation sale. Until she's presented with, like, 10 carnations herself. They're from a "secret admirer" who instructs her to go to the school dance to find out his identity. After hanging the carnations from her ceiling fan with little tiny nooses, she decides to go to Cupid's Bash. Surprise, surprise, it's a total bust. Liz leaves feeling like a total loser but stops for a milkshake and fries on her way home. Whilst hanging out on the hood of her car consuming the aforementioned milkshake and fries, she's approached by Bryson, this supposedly dreamy dude from her English class. They hang out under the stars for a bit, but there's no making out or anything. The next day in school, Taylor reveals that it was queen bitch Cori (one of Liz's former friends) who sent the carnations as a prank. Liz is about to go ape on Cori when she runs into Bryson. And that's pretty much how it ends.

My Life as Liz is shot to look like a reality show, but I'm pretty sure it's totally scripted. Apparently the Valentine's Day episode was actually filmed in May. Whatever, though—obviously I'm tuning in next week.

Healthy as a Horse

Dear reader(s), I am sick. Again. All I can do is read girly graphic novels and watch TV. And it's time for me to comment on this fall's ANTM. If this girl—the half-nekkid one next to the large equine—is not America's Next Top Model, I will be sorely disappointed. Disappointed in Tyra Banks and all of humanity. Well, I guess I wouldn't cry if Laura won, either. She is sweet, and the queen of the frozen-food aisle, after all.

Scandalous Lives?

Last Monday night, I was sitting here watching Gossip Girl when this commercial came on telling me to text "IN" to 8905 to get "in" on all the same gossipy texts that my favorite characters receive. I did what the nice commercial told me, and here's what happened next—

MONDAY, 8:36 pm: GG here, sit tight 4 all the gossip on ur fav Upper East Siders! No ones safe in Manhattans elite crowd.

Awesome. I've got my seat belt fastened.

MONDAY, 8:44 pm: From Blair - To Celeste: Be right there. It might b time 4 Little J 2 abdicate the throne.

How does Gossip Girl get her hands on a text that Blair sent to one of the new Constance groupies? No matter. This was the best GG alert of the week since it came in the middle of the episode and sort of made sense with the plot. (Blair had just heard that Chuck was spotted at Hilary Duff's movie premiere with Jenny. But I thought she was with Celeste at the time, so I don't know why she texted her. Huh.)

MONDAY, 9:22 pm: From Gossip Girl: S chooses the real world over Brown? Huh?!

First of all, this isn't news. Second, there would be no show if Serena went to college in Rhode Island. Doesn't anyone remember what happened when Summer went to Brown on The OC?

TUESDAY, 5:54 pm: Gossip Girl Here! Still dying that Olivia Burke goes 2 NYU. I don't get starstruck but hello, it's Olivia Burke!!!

Sounds kinda starstruck to me. Who's Olivia Burke's real-life equivalent? Hayden Panettiere?

WEDNESDAY, 5:52 pm: GG Here! S has a job in publicity? She prob could've used some1 like her in the past 2 clean up her messes.

Yes, she prob could've.

THURSDAY, 5:52 pm: Gossip Girl Here! Who needs Constance? If u put ur mind 2 it, B, u could rule the world.

Perhaps a little foreshadowing of episodes to come? Also, noticing that GG likes to text at 5:52 on weeknights.

FRIDAY, 5:50 pm: Gossip Girl Here! G is still in Boston? What the ...? I'm beginning to get worried.

Don't worry, GG. We all know Georgina will be back in NY by tomorrow, just in time to threaten the lovefest that will be Rufus and Lily's wedding.

Smile with Allison's Doll Eyes

Top Model pulled a double feature tonight—besides the regular episode, they also aired the usual mid-cycle hour of recap and outtakes. Now that it's down to seven girls, I reveal ... MY FAVORITES (in alphabetical order):

Allison
I love her eyes, her obsession with nose bleeds, and that pink dress she wore that one time. (Previous ANTM contestant point of reference: Heather. Or Marjorie. The weird girls.)

Celia
It's obvious she loves fashun, and she's pretty competent all around. Plus, that tattletale act was pure entertainment. I see top three in her future. (Previous ANTM contestant point of reference: Melrose.)

Fo
She is so cute with those freckles and the haircut that made her cry. (Previous ANTM contestant point of reference: Saleisha.)

I also like Aminat, and I wouldn't be surprised if Teyona won what with Tyra's love for her wind-tunnel face. But Natalie's a snob-and-a-half, and you know London is outta there soon.

I ♥ This Girl

I swear I spent a good few hours reading for school today. But I was also surfing the web and came across the above-above video re: Gossip Girl. Then I looked at more of this girl's "vlogs." She is so cute, and I like what she has to say. (Except that Aaron is attractive. Um, he is so icky.)

She calls herself Jane WC and she has this bunch of other friends who are Janes, but I doubt any of them are better than her. This stuff about the bike elitists? So true. There's also a really great video about the polaroid wall she and her roomies have in their house. Hella funny.

And She Was SENT HOME

Wednesday is the finale of ANTM Cycle 11—we've said goodbye to transgendered Isis, Hannah Alaska, control freak Elina, and sassy, sassy Sheena. But last week marked the elimination of one of my favorites. Marjorie the shy French girl, the photogenic bundle of nerves, the self-proclaimed Hunchback of Notre Dame. She gives a nice exit interview here.

Analeigh for the win. Yo.

Mini Cooper Meets Lil J!

Guess who's coming to Gossip Girl? This Monday, Willa Holland—aka The OC's Kaitlin Cooper—begins a three-episode arc as some kind of model/frenemy of Jenny Humphrey. It's a match I've been dreaming of since I first saw Taylor Momsen as Little Jenny. But her character is so much more than a second-rate Mini Coop. (And on a slightly more personal note, I totally had an imaginary friend named Little Jenny when I was four.) Go little sisters!

It Boy: Michael Cera

How can a boy who's so cute inspire a love that's so wrong? He and Rupert Grint are my favorite 20-year-old crushes. So I have a few years on Mikey. No biggie. At least I'm not in love with my cousin, like someone I know. (Ahem! Georgemichaelbluth!)

He was adorably awkward in Arrested Development and Juno, and now I am so excited for Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist! I think it will give him the chance to play someone a little bit cooler. Cause I bet he is cool, in real life. I mean, he had his own Internet TV show. If that's not hip, I don't know what is.

By the way, in case you were not aware, Nick and Norah is based on a book of the same name written by two YA powerhouses, Rachel Cohn and David Levithan. I am so glad this movie was made. They even got Devendra Banhart to make a cameo. You know, Natalie Portman's boyfriend.

Version 2.0

Photo: TV Guide

So I'm a couple of weeks behind on this, but news flash! Shirley Manson, my favorite Garbage lady and yours, is putting her wicked acting skills to work Monday nights on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. She's totally hot as an evil Scottish terminator. Way to go, casting dudes—and set dressers, too. That's an awesome desk.

Owww!

While I prepare to move Mode a la Pie headquarters across the country, please accept this Gossip Girl promo as a gift from me to you. Since the last time I wrote about the show, I've watched every episode and become a true blue fan. Chuck, Serena and Jenny are among my faves, but overall I think I'm on Team Blair. Love her in this little teaser—doesn't she look kind of like a Heather? Something about the whole production, with the character names in yellow type, feels super '80s in a way that makes me very excited for Labor Day.

Essential Felicity: Freshman Year

Keri Russell's curls, and all that went along with them, came to the WB at the perfect time for me. As Felicity Porter began her life as a "University of New York" student, I was starting my senior year of high school. Watching her collegiate capers every week offered a preview of what I might experience the next year ... if only I'd attended school 3,000 miles away from home, lived with a humorously goth roommate, and made out with the RA for a mini-fridge.

The key episodes of Felicity's freshman year:

Pilot | Felicity asks crush Ben to sign her yearbook: brave. Felicity rejects her parents' plan for her to attend Stanford: braver. Felicity follows Ben all the way to the University of New York: bravest. And possibly very foolish. But as she so wisely says, "sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can pretty much change your life forever." (The small decision being: getting Ben to sign the yearbook. Cause moving from California to New York is actually quite a biggie.)

Hot Objects | The gang's first college party and Felicity's first major humiliation when one of her audiotape letters to Sally falls into the wrong hands. The silence is deafening as the entire dorm listens to Felicity announce: "I can actually picture what it might be like to be with a man for the first time. Sexually." Who DJs parties with cassette tapes in 1998, anyway? Oh, right. Sensa and her cousin Yuri.

Gimme an O! | Possibly my favorite Felicity of all time. F pencils Noel in for sex and preps for the big event like she would attack a chemistry final. But Elena's M&M study system can't save our girl this time, and neither can a call to the Victoria's Secret customer service line. Keri Russell and Scott Foley's facial expressions are priceless.

The Fugue | In which MTV's hotness of the '90s, Simon Rex, plays a crucial guest role. While Noel's busy mooning over his "beautiful symphony-composing girlfriend" Hanna, played by Jennifer Garner, Felicity "decides it can't hurt to make music with Eli, a senior art student" (as the DVD box puts it). Oh, but it will hurt. So good.

Felicity Was Here | Ben or Noel? This isn't the first time the question has come up (and it won't be the last), but the answer had never before been more critical than in this season one finale when Felicity is forced to choose between a European romp with Noel and a cross-country drive with Ben.

And that's not even mentioning: Felicity and Noel's first kiss over a game of Boggle, Felicity and Ben's mugging at gunpoint, Julie's date-rape by "the pink guy" aka Brian Krakow!, Felicity's sham engagement to Javier, Julie's search for her birth mother, Sean's docuventary, Ben's gambling problem, or Megan's mysterious box. What a show.

OMG

Photo: CW via TV Guide

I haven't jumped on the Gossip Girl bandwagon ... yet. I tried the books and didn't find any of the characters very likable. Like, I dunno, they didn't have any soul and I didn't care about what happened to them. (Plus, the titles leave so much to be desired. Because I'm Worth It? I thought that was a mid-range cosmetics ad campaign.) But the TV show: Blair is bitchy as Brenda Walsh and Serena/Blake Lively has that intriguing beauty mark right next to her nose. It all seems to work, in a ridiculous way.

BL and Leighton Meester, who plays Blair, each have their own cover of NYLON this month, and a block of new episodes starts Monday. Maybe I'll watch. Do love those sleazy commercials!

She's So Funny!

I heart this book and would love to see it turned into a movie! She's So Money has a good girl gone bad (but not too bad), a charming a-hole love interest, and just the right amount of snark. When Maya's parents leave her in charge of the family's Thai restaurant, shit hits the fan ... and she winds up with the task of secretly raising $10K in just one month. Will skeevy-yet-hot Camden King come to the rescue? Just maybe!

After loving the book so much, I was kind of disappointed to learn that Cherry Cheva writes for Family Guy, which—although it's had its funny moments—I find kind of icky and hateful toward women. Apparently she is the only female writer on the show. Which is interesting, because in the A-List book I'm reading right now (American Beauty) Cammie mentions that most TV shows just have one "token" woman on the writing team, and she is usually drop-dead gorgeous. Cherry does look pretty hot in her author photo. But after reading her novel I know she definitely has talent, so I'm not trying to say that she only got her job for her looks or because she's a chick.

Nobody Likes You When You're 23

If you happened to catch the network premiere of Quarterlife last week, you might be disappointed to know that NBC has canned it already (and plans to pawn it off on Bravo). But you're probably not surprised. There's no way this show could make sense to anyone over 35—the major plot device is a character vlogging about her friends. Maybe no one wants to watch a show about this generation whose self-absorption is the biggest obstacle to realizing our dreams of "making a difference" and changing the world. The first hour-long episode, strung together from smaller parts that originated on the web, was sloooow. But, I don't know, isn't that like real life?

The thing that bothers me is the website. You can watch episodes of the show on there (although they load way faster on YouTube), but it's also a community thing where anyone can register and post their own photos and blogs and stuff. That's where Dylan posts her vlog on the show, and in a later ep the actress girl uploads some videos, too. So is the show just a really big budget ad for this social network? It would probably make a lot more sense if I were five years younger.

Fierce Fashion Thursday

First of all, Cycle 10. Is America's Next Top Model the poor girl's version of Project Runway? I don't have cable, so Wednesday night means Tyra for me. How did the weird Brooklyn girl—Lauren, I think she's called—make it all the way to Top 14? I love her so far. And I can't wait for Fatima's makeover. That hair has got to go. (By the way, if you want ANTM recaps, go to fourfour and Fred Flare. I could never compete with them, so I'm not even going to try.)

In other news, girls rule the web! So says the New York Times. Not really a surprise. Girls have always been more into keeping diaries, compiling photo albums and alienating friends with the venom of slambooks. The Internet is just another venue for all that, and these creative young girls are so lucky to have it. I would have loved Facebook and blogs and podcasts at that age. Alas, I didn't even have an e-mail address until I was 15 or 16. And when I first logged on to Prodigy at a friend's house in sixth grade, we were totally just looking for boys.

Who Does Your Hair?

"Deceptacon" is one of my most favorite songs, and I just think it's awesome that someone took the time to put this together. Love it.